Question: I have been married for 6 years. Sometimes, it seems like I have no positive feelings toward my husband, and that I am just going through the motions. Is it normal to sometimes just "not want to be bothered" with him?
Answer: It depends on what you call normal. Usually negative feelings stem from some type of hurt. If this is the case, then I would say “yes” that is completely normal. I have experienced these feelings before but again, they all stemmed from deep hurt. Unresolved hurt can grow into bitterness and unresolved bitterness can grow into disgust and hate. Although, the hurt I experienced was very deep and painful, I knew that if I was going to stay married I had to deal with it so I could move past it. The idea of forgive and forget, in my opinion, is impossible. Unless, psychologically your experience is so traumatic that you subconsciously tuck it away in order to remain in control mentally and not go off the deep end. I believe it is more realistic to say forgive and remember with the absence of pain. For instance, the hurt that I have experienced in my marriage, I remember quite well. But, when I think about it, it doesn’t hurt as bad. As time goes on, the pain I feel in thinking about it lessens. I’ve said all this to say, yes I believe it is normal but, if this happens over an extended period of time I would suggest that you seek professional help to assist you in dealing with the feelings that you have; either marriage counseling or individual counseling. When I had/have those feelings, I pray a lot. I ask God to help me, because I don’t want to feel that way and know it is not healthy for me to feel that way towards my husband for any extended period of time. Notice I keep saying “for an extended period of time.” I say this because as women/wives, I believe we all have our moments. But those moments should not grow into days, and weeks, and months. There have been times that I had to “fake it” until I felt “my help comin’” (as my grandma would say). I displayed on the outside how I wanted to feel on the inside. It was difficult, but it always worked. Remember, marriage takes work. But, if you are willing to work together to stay together, it will be the hardest job you will ever love.
